March 22, 2021
8 days and counting. My CIs will be turned on soon. My brain is doing interesting things. While I am writing in here (my windows are closed and it is 9:20pm), I feel like I am hearing birds chirping in my head. It is weird but relaxing. My ears are not hearing the chirping but my brain is making me feel like I am - just like when I think I am hearing the characters on TV when I watch my favourite shows.
This is a busy week. School work, people are re-doing our roof with new shingles and I am getting my grad photos done on Thursday.
March 25, 2021
AGH, I HAVE GOOD NEWS!
Mom ran into a store after my grad photos and I wanted to stay in the car. I was trying to play a game on my device and it wasn't loading. I went on spotify feeling sad about the music that I used to listen to before my surgery. I miss music so much and surgery was already 20 days ago. I decided to press play and turned up the volume. I played Human by Christina Perri and held it up to my left ear. I heard the music and then I heard her singing. I COULD HEAR IT! ACTUALLY! I'M NOT KIDDING! So I listened for a long time today.
My mom wants to post the video of me singing when I found out I could hear out of my left ear...but I don't know what I sound like...maybe I will just go for it! We only live once. Video 1 is just a few minutes after I realized I could hear the music in my left ear and the 2nd video is when I really got excited about this! Hope you enjoy as much as I did.
I miss ALL MY FRIENDS SO MUCH!
5 DAYS...until activation day!
Video #1: learning I could hear music in my left ear
Video #2: getting excited about it all!
It's been a while since I last wrote in here. I've gotten so many gifts, flowers and cards! I thank every single person for sending them. Mom also gave me a book yesterday. It had all sorts of messages from friends, teachers, family and even some people I don't know (who know my mom). They all said different things of how proud they were of me.
IT WAS THE BEST GIFT!
I will keep you updated, but I also wanted to mention that I am feeling SO MUCH LIKE MYSELF! I even got to have a shower (to wash my hair).
So tomorrow is Friday & I am excited that I've been doing school work & reading my book.
Lately I've been feeling like I am hearing these noises or sounds. When I watch tv using closed captions and I know that it is muted (I can't hear sounds anyway right now), I still feel like I am hearing the character's voices as I watch. So weird.
But it is all in my head. I really miss music. Sometimes I just watch a music video with lyrics and feel the beat through the speakers. When I am in the car, if my mom turns up the music I like to feel the beat too.
On Saturday it will be 10 days until my implants (processors) get turned on. I am excited but nervous. Happy tears right now. ILY all (teen's lingo for I love you all).
Uncertainty, doubt, fears...all things that can sometimes stop us in our tracks. I remember reading many years ago a quote that went something like this: The real enemy to our success and growth is when we stay in the good because we know what good is like...but we never know how great things could be unless we take that leap of faith.
Hannah is taking a huge leap of faith today. She believes with all her heart that this is worth all the fear and uncertainty. She has big goals in her life and with cochlear implants she knows that they will help her reach those goals much better than her hearing aids could.
I found myself, the past few days feeling the fear, listening to the many doubts circling around in my head. They said things like: "Hannah is succeeding already, she speaks so clearly, she can hear people (even when they are wearing masks) and people tell us that almost everyday, maybe this is the wrong decision. What if new medical advancements come out that will allow Hannah to have her hearing restored someday?". My brain likes to tell me stories about the dark side of things quite a bit...but I've done a lot of personal growth to know that faith and belief may seem to come from a place of uncertainty and moving forward blind, but more than ever - it all comes from a place of trust and certainty that everything WILL be GREAT!
We know the next month will be pretty tough. We've read a lot to know that most people find the month after bilateral cochlear implant surgery to be very difficult. But what I do know is that Hannah is so RESILIENT. Even though she may have some hard days ahead, we know that she is so determined to always look on the positive side of everything. Some things are out of our control but our reaction or response or belief around all situations are all within our control. We get to write that part of our story! She has taught me this more than anyone...and I will continue to borrow her strength today and throughout the next weeks and months.
It is okay for me to let go and trust. It is okay for me to feel all the emotions (even the anger that covid rules prevent both Cam and I from being there to support Hannah before and after this life changing surgery at Sick Kids Hospital). It is okay to not know how things will go and to feel uncertain. It is also okay and healthy for me to take the reigns over my own journey in this; to be human & the best I can be, even if emotion sometimes tries to take over. It is okay to lean on others and ask for help. It is all okay. There is no rule book. Every single person who knows and loves Hannah is allowed to have their own story around it too.
We all write our story...what will yours be? We all get to choose good or great!
I am so proud that Hannah decided to choose to go for GREAT, despite her fears!
March 1, 2021
This is the beginning of my adventure!
I have emotions big and small all inside me. Right now I am actually listening to music while I write this. This is the week, Friday the 5th is my surgery date.
I am so happy and excited for myself! I have so many people supporting me. This will change my life. I can't imagine my amazing future! This is going to be the book I look back on, and smile that my 13 year old me made this life changing decision.
March 3, 2021
Well, look at how quickly things are moving! Today I had to take the covid test, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought!
Also the lady who did the test on me was the wife of the surgeon that is doing my surgery on Friday. I thought that was pretty cool.
March 4, 2021
It's already Thursday! Wow. Tomorrow it is Friday March 5th, the day my life changed. Like a fairy tale!
A good story. A happy ending.
Some family called today to wish me love and luck! I am go to be fine.
Love yourself. Stay Brave. You're gonna be okay!
*this photo below is the front of the journal that she picked out for herself for this phase of her life.